sally@USATodaynet.net asks: Dear Uncle Pat,

I never really GOT that whole Reagan thing. Could you explain it to me?
Well, Sally, I'll try. But keep in mind that Uncle Pat doesn't quite get it either. You see, at the end of the 1970's, the US was embroiled in the devastating "Plastic Explosion." This industrial accident occured in 1973, and was covered up by the government, and DOW Chemicals. While limited in scope at first, molten plastic quickly spread across the country, covering the eyes, ears (and filling the brains of) an estimated 85% of the population. This directly resulted in Disco, Charlie's Angels, the Guardian Angels, Debbie Boone, and, most dangerous of all, the Young Republicans.

With the majority of the population rendered stupid, the CIA was free to annoint a token idiot king of the nation, and so the already brain-dead Ronald Reagan was trotted out to wave, smile, and salute the Marines. With the saccharine sweet, squeaky-clean young republicans to back him, and his second wife (Nancy the shriveled-up evil wicked witch of the West Coast) to prod him, Ronnie was overwhelmingly twice elected (first ousting Jimmy Carter, Reagan's moral and intellectual superior, and then Walter Mondale, because, well, it's good for business to at least have a second guy running in these things).

Mandate in place, Reagan was able to deregulate industry, and balance the federal budget by cutting rich people's taxes, and spending more on defense, and other rich, powerful industry-driven government programs. This was seen as a sound idea, because those benevolent tycoons who gave us Vietnam, and the Love Canal could surely be trusted to do right by the American people, thus stimulating the economy, and "trickling down" upon the rest of society. Since these young republicans had never worked a day in their lives, they were easily convinced that unions were evil, and that all the things they could expect at work (such as a 40 hour work week, health insurance, a decent, living wage, and maybe even christmas off) were due solely to the kind-hearted businessmen of the industrial revolution.

Among Reagan's many accomplishments were the deregulation of the banking industry (which lead to the Savings and Loan debacle, costing taxpayers billions of dollars while families lost their life's savings, and S&L executives made a killing. It is interesting to note that, to this day, Reagan believes he deregulated the "Baking" industry), the deregulation of the airline industry, and the summary execution of the unionized Flight Traffic Controllers (none of which has anything to do with the fact that airplanes are starting to fall out of the sky faster than raindrops in April in Central New York). Actual creativity became uncool, while taking a cut out of the sale of other people's sweat and blood was in. "Fuck you," became the battlecry of the people. It didn't matter what you knew, or what you could do anymore; image was everything.

People who worked for a living were stupid (even if they happened to be the people who worked to put those snot-faced brats through school), and were to be scorned. The Federal deficit soared to higher and higher records; kids were supposed to just say "no" (what could be simpler? The poor are hungry? Let them eat cake, for Christ's sake). Ronald Reagan served two full terms, and retired to glory. He's still one of the most revered president's of all time, Sally. Do you get it yet?

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