G.Pataki>environmental@bondact.scam writes:

Dear Uncle Pat, I've recently read that Al D'mato has decided to back off from the investigation of the Clinton's alleged criminal activities. I believe him! Does that make me a schmuck? G.Pataki
Well, "G," my first inclination is to say that ANYONE who believes a dirty little slimeball like Al (the Fonz) D'Mato is at the very least a schmuck, and quite possibly the new owner of a time-share condo on the beautiful white sandy beaches of Enid, Nevada (write back for details; this is not a prospectus, which can only be offered by certified representatives of the Grady S&L Desert Seaside resort and Office Complex, Reno, NV). But Uncle Pat is nothing, if not open minded, and so he checked out the honorable senator's claims.

Apparently, his bid for re-election a mere two years away, Alfonse is quite serious about laying off the president for a while. It seems the scrutiny D'Mato received for chairing the House Ethics Committee's investigations into Whitewater, and other Clinton "improprieties" has backfired; the senator's approval ratings are at an all-time low (which is pretty frickin' low, indeed). "It, uh, would appear, as well as seem, as if the hearings uhhhh vis-a-vis the exposure to which I, in some way might have recieved, could have increased the probability and the likeliehood, which, I am told, mean the same thing, that the American people, vis-a-vis the voters of the great state of New York, which I, as a citizen, am proud to include myself within, uh have in some way connotated that I am, or that I do, in terms of intelligence and integrity, have uh, neither," D'Mato was quoted as saying.

Another key concern for D'Mato is getting the cash to run a successful campaign. Aides fear that continued attacks on President Clinton could result in the withholding of contributions from both the Indonesians and Taiwanese, as well as make difficult raising money from organized crime (who reputedly don't mind backing an idiot, but hate to support a loser).

Still, voters shouldn't count out Al D'Mato. He is a seasoned political veteran, and a tireless campaigner, whose abilities landed him the responsibility of heading the Bob Dole presidential campaign in New York State (and we all know what a wonderful job he did on that).

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